Will you ever learn?

I don't want to be a negative blogger, (there's another guy that does that) but I have a friend who never learns from his mistakes. I'm sure we all have one. I told him this joke and he didn't get it. Too bad common sense isn't something you can get a college degree in. I know a few people that could use a bachelors degree in it. Here's the joke:

• A hunter goes into the woods hunting for a bear. When he is deep in the woods he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns to see an enormous grizzly towering above him. Before he can fire, the beast rips the rifle out of his hands and proceeds to sodomize him. Mortified, the hunter retreats to his cabin, arms himself with a double-barreled shotgun, and races back into the woods to find and kill his furry assailant. But once again, the bear sneaks up behind the hunter, pulls the weapon from his hands and has his lusty way with him. Undeterred, the hunter equips himself with a machine gun and treks back into the woods where he is again ambushed, disarmed and raped by the bear. Now, apoplectic with moral outrage, the hunter flies to a third world country where he buys a heat-seeking, shoulder-launched, nuclear-tipped rocket from an international arms dealer. Convinced he finally has the upper hand, he returns to the woods, tracks the bear to his lair and patiently waits to vaporize him. And yes, again, the bear surprises, disarms and sexually assaults him. But this time, before the hunter can run off to acquire more lethal armaments, the bear enfolds him in his massive arms and says, "You don't really come out here to hunt, do ya?"
• My friend thought the moral was "beware of homosexual bears."

I give up

makeup in San Fran

So, I’m in San Francisco with my friends who are in this touring rock-band. They did their sound check at the venue, in the afternoon, then, we had a couple of hours to kill.  The keyboardist and bassist said that they needed to go to the MAC store. I needed an adapter for my ipod, so, I thought, “Great!, I'll join! them".  So, I hailed a cab and off we went. After paying the fare, I was standing on the sidewalk looking up and down the street for the Mac store… which really shouldn’t be hard to spot because their storefronts are usually so easy to spot… hmmm, where the hell…?

I noticed that the other 2 were walking away, and I figured that they surely must know where they were going, when- damn it!  They went into the MAC MAKEUP STORE!!?? How could this be? Well, I should have known, after all it is a glam-band. So, I went in and went into security mode for the 2 rock stars I was with. Our Bass player got recognized right away by a very flamboyant male employee who wanted to do his make-up (amongst other things) so I waited at a distance.

My phone rings and it’s the guitarist and my good friend of many years asking where we were. I said the MAC store and he asked to see if they have this software…and I stopped him and said the MAC make-up store. Now this is one of the manliest men I know… which is why when he then proceeded to ask me to get him some black eye liner and black eye shadow with sparkles, I had a good chuckle inside. I'm thinking, you gotta be kidding me, so, I told him, “I would rather buy tampons for my wife!”, but, I then came to the reality of where I was, and the roadie creed in my blood said, “the show must go on!”. I have never bought make-up in all my years in the music business, not even when I worked for glam bands in the early 90's. So, away to the counter I went, and in my manliest, lowest, gravely voice I asked this very flamboyant clerk for some black eyeliner and eye shadow………with sparkles. The clerk looked at me funny, as I felt my face turning beat red. 

This reminded me of the time I was 14 and tried to buy an adult magazine, and at the register, the clerk yelled to the back of the convenience store, “Hey, Herb, can we sell Playboy magazines to minors?”. My friends, waiting eagerly outside, heard that and took off running like I was robbing the place. Like that time, I felt every set of eyes in the store looking at me. I got the makeup, and upon leaving, I felt this sigh of relief like I did when I bought beer at 17. I felt like I had just gotten away with something, so it wasn’t so bad after all.

Hawaii Oct 2010

DAY 1   MON 10/11/10

Flew to Oahu Hawaii and landed at noon. The minute I walked out of the airport with my luggage and took a deep breath of the Hawaiian air, the excitement began. I'm back, for 3 weeks this time. The pick-up van was waiting for me so I climbed aboard and cranked some Metallica on the ride into Waikiki.  So I go to check in to my hotel and Yoko (no kidding) the hot Asian woman at the desk tells me my room isn’t ready and asks me to sign a paper that says no smoking or a $200 fine will be levied on my credit card. I explained to her that I requested a smoking room and showed it to her on my paperwork. (a little known secret for a better room) She then said she has a room ready now and she would have to upgrade me to a better room for free. She said she was going to give me a partial (ocean view) 

First day, swimming in ocean, free,

sushi for lunch, $12.00,

beer at Dukes, $9.50,

getting hit on by 2 drunk milf’s at Dukes, priceless!

Watched the sun set ocean front as I ate my chicken salad at Wolfgang Pucks. I was thinking that my life is a fantasy. My dreams have actually come true this last year.

I brought all my toys that I’ve acquired in the last year, gps, i-pod, laser pointers, binoculars, camera, and tripod. I’m set.

As I walk the streets of Waikiki after dark. 

DAY 2 10/12/10

Up at 10 breakfast at Dennys than got 2 pair of losable breakable sunglasses for $20. I bought a beach mat from the ABC store and off to the beach behind The Outrigger.

Body surfed for 2 hours, a beer at Dukes than off to the Coffee Bean for free internet. I had to make my Jet Ski reservations for Friday. Sushi for dinner than walk over to the condo to check it out.

Back from the condo and HOLY SHIT!!  I’ve been living in the slums of Waikiki. (which is paradise) The condo rocks with a huge beach, cheap sushi, and a park next door. It’s on the sand in a very classy upscale area. I’ve died and gone to heaven! Nam is going to love it. I added 6 more days at this Hotel so I don’t have to move until Nam gets here in a week. Than it’s off to condo land, on the sand for 9 days.

So I decided at midnight I would walk to the Big Kahuna bar a block away. I met a local named Nemo from California via Detroit and he works at California Pizza Kitchen. I was going to eat there soon because I saw it earlier tonight walking to the condo. Now I know the cook. I can’t wait to see what day 3 has in store for me.